


this my excavation

by ElizaAllanPoe



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Coming Out, Confessions, M/M, Secret Relationship, Self-Acceptance, lukas is in love, soft!lukas, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 19:08:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8413234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaAllanPoe/pseuds/ElizaAllanPoe
Summary: The only times they had kissed in public had been in the city, and in the city it was almost as if they were other people. No one knew their name, no one cared. He could admire the boy in front of him as much as he wanted and no one would judge him for it..."Are you still going to love me tomorrow?" Philip asks hesitantly. And Lukas hates that he has to.He hates that he ever made Philip doubt how true his feelings were.





	

**Author's Note:**

> title and quote in beginning are from "re:stacks" by Bon Iver :)

_"this is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization_  
_It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away_  
_Your love will be_  
_safe with me"_

* * *

Rose found out in March. 

Lukas couldn't understand how anyone could have found out, let alone her.  They had been so careful. The only times they had kissed in public had been in the city, and in the city it was almost as if they were other people. No one knew their name, no one cared. He could admire the boy in front of him as much as he wanted and no one would judge him for it. 

But back home he swore people were looking at him differently. That they were looking at him too long, or maybe it was just Lukas being paranoid that anyone could see though his lie. Because the truth is that he simply just wasn't who they all expected him to be. 

And the truth is that anyone could see that whenever he'd smile at something Rose said it just wouldn't quite meet his eyes. Lukas just couldn't kiss her anymore, not like before. Not after Philip, and especially not after this. 

Lukas was scared, and he didn't know how to act anymore. Would people treat him differently? Would his dad hate him? Lukas was scared, but there something else there too. Relief. A weight taken off his shoulder somehow. He wasn't sure if he would be accepted, but he was sure that he could finally breathe again. 

~~~

"How long has this been going on?" Rose asks him, tears streaming down her face. Lukas' throat closes completely. He can't speak. 

"How long have you been cheating on me with him, Lukas?" She says louder, her words thick with rage.

"A couple months." Lukas replies, his heart racing a mile a minute." I never wanted to hurt you Rose, I'm so sorry and I know that it means nothing. And that it's too late-"

"Why didn't you just break up me then? It was okay to just string me along, no matter how it affected me?" She spits. 

"Because I didn't want anyone to know, and I just..I couldn't accept it." Lukas' voice shaking. "I couldn't be that guy."

Rose swallows, more tears falling one by one. "Well you are, and everything else was a lie." She says sadly. "You're _gay, and you never liked me."_

It wasn't a question, and they both understood that now. 

'I-I didn't know. I mean, I thought I did. But I just.." 

"Don't work that way?" She offers, a hesitant laugh following. 

"Yeah." He agrees, smiling sadly. He can't look her in the eye. 

She nods her head slightly and runs her hands through her hair. Her face is red, and it hurts Lukas to know he caused it. He wishes he hadn't lied to her all this time, and he wishes he hadn't been a coward.

"Do you like him a lot ?" Rose's tone is soft.

 "Yeah, I do." He confesses, his voice a whisper. 

_"Is it more than that?"_

_"Yes."_  Lukas finally admits.

_~~~_

Back home Lukas sits across from his father, staring down at his plate, a whirlwind in his mind. 

"You alright son?" His dad asks, taking a sip of his beer. 

His father didn't drink often, but perhaps this was the universe's doing because he's going to need a lot of it for what he's about to hear. 

Lukas looks up at him and his heart stops. "I need to tell you something." He voice is shaking, and he can't calm himself down. He is so scared. 

 _Five seconds of courage._   _Five seconds of courage. Five seconds of courage._

"So tell me." 

"I'm gay." He whispers, and shuts his eyes.  _Please don't hate me._ _Please don't hate me._ _Please don't hate me._

 "Are you kidding me right now?"His dad asks seriously, rising from his chair. "Let me know what you expect me to say after that?" 

"Say that nothing has changed." Lukas cries." Say that I'm still your son, and it doesn't matter." 

"I just do not understand. I tried my best with you. I tried so hard after your mom died, is this because of that? Is it because she's not here?" 

"No Dad! I'm not gay because she's dead, I'm gay because that's just how I am. I'm just like this." Lukas exclaims, more tears falling. His heart will not calm down. 

"I don't understand." 

"You don't have to understand Dad. Just say you love me anyway. "Lukas says, his words dripping is desperation.

And when his dad never replies, Lukas is out the door and on his bike before his dad can think twice. 

~~~

 When Lukas gets to Philip's house it's dark out and the sheriff answers the door. 

"Hi, can I speak to Philip please?" 

"Hi Lukas, uh sure, I'll get him." 

Lukas hears the sheriff call him, and then Philip's steps down the stairs shortly. 

"What are you doing here? I thought you didn't want to be seen with me." Philip asks, his voice cold. "Wouldn't want to confirm those rumors." 

"I told my dad and Rose." Lukas admits quickly, letting it all out. He can't hide this anymore. 

Philip's brows furrow, and his mouth opens slightly. "What?" 

"I told them." Lukas repeats, emotions heavy on his tongue. 

"W-what did you tell Rose?" Philip asks, stepping more outside. He's wearing a black top and the red plaid pajama pants Lukas had borrowed that one time. 

 "I told her I love you." 

Lukas doesn't care that the sherif is most likely listening. He doesn't care that his father will probably never look at him the same. He doesn't care that it's all going to change now.  _He doesn't care._

Philip's eye widen, and his face softens for a minute. Just a minute. "I can't play this game anymore Lukas. How do I know you mean it?" 

"I would't say it if I didn't mean it." 

Philip lift's his hand to cup the back of Lukas' neck and crashes their lips together. Lukas responds immediately, kissing him back hungrily, and pulling him closer. 

"Are you still going to love me tomorrow?" Philip asks hesitantly. And Lukas hates that he has to. He hates that he ever made Philip doubt how true his feelings were. 

"I'm still going to love you." Lukas replies meeting his eyes. "I don't care anymore about who knows it." 

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written a coming out scene so sorry if I didn't do it justice ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> thanks for reading, have a lovely day xx


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